Chris Roberts Is Back, Still Can’t Construct A Sentence, Still A Homophobic 12-Year-Old


Ah, the internet. Matthew Taub interviewed Chris Roberts—noted Phil Collins hair model—for Only The Blog Knows Brooklyn, citing the friendly exchange we had almost exactly a year ago. Chrissy Rob is not, as I originally suspected, a 12-year-old with an obsession with Simon & Garfunkel-themed Bell Jar rip-offs, but is, in fact, an actual human being. He is in reality just a frustrated middle-aged man living Park Slope and using a Polaroid picture from roughly 1972 as his Twitter avatar. He could not be less special, which is probably why he tries so hard to get attention.

When I was a kid, we had a dog who was slowly going senile. When we’d lock him in the garage at night, he’d bark and bark and bark because it was dark in there and he was going blind. It wasn’t that there was anything worth barking at, anything to really warn us about—he just needed to make sure the world was still there, that he was still there. Chrisbob and my dog probably would’ve gotten along really well.

He hasn’t changed, much, but then the old and infirm rarely do:



And just in case you were wondering—you weren’t, were you?—he’s still got that homophobic slant going on:


Updating as events unfold. And to further screw up Chris’s search results.